ugh hipsters

Lots of hipsters in the news today. Our first story is about the three-second marriage between 19-year-old Peaches Geldorf and her musician husband, Max Drummey, who have called it quits after six months, which is far longer than I expected those two disgusting hipsters to last. Well done! Now Peaches can go back to do whatever it is that she does... which I believe is living off her father's money and doing nothing. This is all sorts of bad for Drummey then because even if he signed a pre-up quicksmart like any self-respecting gold digger, Peaches doesn't actually do anything with her life. What a pity. Anyway, those two fools released a statement to the BBC, in which they said,

"After much soul-searching we have made the mutual decision to end our marriage and have agreed to go our separate ways."

If by soul-searching they meant searching for coke and being dirty American Apparel hipsters, then it was probably relevent for the two seconds they were married.

Anyway, moving on to our sad story of the day. A hipster has died and gone to hipster heaven (where I suspect there are plaid shirts and tight jeans galore) and his family are unsure what to do with all his ironic hipster things. They have contacted an antique dealer to help them sort through the rubbish because they aren't sure which items have any value to them. Apparently the passed-on hipster was an avid collector of eccentric, cheap, and old things, including mismatched sets of cups and plates. His mother told the Onion that in his apartment she found an assortment of useless coffee mugs,

"This one says 'Hands Off Howard's Coffee.' I find it strange that he owned that, considering that he lived alone and never mentioned a friend named Howard."

The Onion knows what's up. Sadly, I think the mug is really funny and I probably would have bought it, too.