D:< !!!!!!!!!

OMGWTF WHY IS FLO RIDA (really creative, you asshole. I think my rapper name will have to be Massac Husetts... not funny) RUINING MY LIFE! First it was Rihanna ruining Dragostea din tei for us all, but then she got beat, so I'm not allowed to say anything bad about her.

BUT THIS MOTHERFUCKER went ahead and destroyed one of the most beautiful wannabe Boy George+David Bowie songs ever. Yes, I'm talkin bout Dead or Alive. Well fucking Flo Rida is DEAD TO ME. Supa playa hata if I ever saw one. I nearly jumped out of my seat when I heard it and a poor little junior didn't even know that it was a much better song before. If you can stand it, here's his fucking ABOMINATION of a song.

On the other foot, here's Falkor and some great hair to help you cope with all the grief:

craaazy

This bitch is crazy and that's exactly why I love her. When the hell is she going to pop? She was due yesterday and all her dancing around during the Grammy's last night made me physically sick. I wanted to have the fucking baby for her just so she'd get off and act like a proper 9-month pregnant lady.

omg!

If you need a bit of an adorable fix to cure your hangover from last night (I'll be honest though, staring at a computer screen won't help and you'll just get all bug eyed and then your eyeballs may dry up and fall out. Just another danger of drinking that I ought to warn you about) and Cute Overload isn't doing anything for you and you needed a reason to live after the gay penguins went and got married, here's an otter in a mailbag!

The BBC reports that she is called Orla and was found on the side of a road by a postman and was believed to have been abandoned by her mother. What a bitch! Just because she was never loved as an otterchild doesn't mean she can go around leaving little animals on the sides of roads. In fact, if I find out this otter character is also bankrupt and has thirteen other little otter children, I'll know who to call.

Anybadottermother, Orla was given a free tour of Scotland when she was put into the mailbag to keep warm and given some milk. She's eating fish like a fish-eating vacuum now and is safe and sound. But I ask you this: how can anyone abandon that face!!! The piece of coal that is my heart just melted a little and went on to destroy the ozone layer.

god is not amused

I promise I'm not totally obsessed with this story, but... the lady with the bionic vagina who isn't Michelle Duggar already has six kids according to her mother.
But here's where Michelle, Jim Bob, and God get the last laugh: she's single, 33, and living with her parents. And now she's got fourteen kids.
This also pretty blatantly tells us that she had fertility treatments and when she heard there would be eight embryos, the doctors offered to help out a sista and the crazy bitch said no. The BBC tells us that,

Doctors had given her the option of reducing the number of embryos, but she had declined. "What do you suggest she should have done? She refused to have them killed. That is a very painful thing," [Mama Crazy] said.

Okay, if you're pro-life and you keep it out of my face, I don't give a shit. Just take some responsibility if you feel that way. But this bitch ain't got no money (she filed for bankruptcy last year) and she knew she'd have to somehow raise fourteen children.
Let's look at some statistics, I'm pretty sure I read somewhere once that it costs about $200,000 to raise one child to age 18. Well let's multiply this by 14... and we get $2,800,000. Good luck with that.

Anybrokelady, her father is returning to Iraq, where he works as a contractor to put some money in the bank. I don't know what this shawty's been puttin in her drank, but one thing is certain, she's got crazy for brains.