japan does it again

So far the Japanese have given the world grown men playing children's card games, cafes where you can rent a friend (or parent), and highly sophisticated toilets. Constantly out-doing themselves! Anyway, today I learned that they also have "sleep concerts." This has been going on for a while apparently, but I wasn't aware, so I did a little bit of research on this... that is, I googled it and am now sharing my fascinating findings. You're welcome.
According to the BBC sleep concerts involve "rows and rows of exhausted salary men" who "cheerfully snore while the musicians play." This sounds great already.
The Japan Times adds that "concert venues have 300 'good sleep seats' prepared. Ticket holders are given pillows, blankets and slippers to feel comfortable."

Amazing. Further love for Japan.

XIII

Well twenty-two episodes later, I've finally finished off Rome.

Once you get over the shock of ridiculous amounts of sex and violence, the plot really shines through and it is fascinating. It is a complex web of deceit and the consequences of infinitesimal actions of the most infinitesimal people on the entire state. The characters are multi-faceted, however, and are simply so many shades of grey that there is no such thing as "good" or "bad." Even now, I sympathize with many of the villains and if anything, this show has helped clarify for me the intentions and reactions of people who become unbearably mundane in history books and actors manage to justify names (Brutus, Cassius, Cicero, etc.) as well.

The writing was great though any complaints would be directed towards the insanely accelerated pace of the second season and historical inaccuracies that I only managed to pick up because I know more about Octavian's life than I did about his father's. (Thank you, Allan Massie. Boring book, good facts.) I think we covered thirteen years (44 BC with Caesar's death to 31 BC, the Battle of Actium) in ten episodes. Even so, I'm pretty satisfied with how the show ended!

sads

I hadn't realized that Wendy Richards had passed on to the big television box in the sky last week at the age of 65 after fighting breast cancer. She played Miss Brahms in Are You Being Served? alongside the most fabulous John Inman. (Pegasus wishes he were as fabulous as Mr Humphries.)
Here is my favorite episode of the show, called "Cold Comfort" when, in an effort to save some money, Mr Grace turns off the heat for a day and Mr Lucas puts some mittens on his feet.

Let the hilarity commence!

accents save the day

quel oeuvre 2/23

LAMASSU!
National Museum of Iraq, Baghdad

Great slide show from the BBC of the newly reopened museum.

it's a dog in a tree

Um, that's pretty much it. Not as great as the foxes on a trampoline or another the leetle polar bear who was abandoned by its bitch mother, but it's a dog called Penny in Wolverhampton who thinks she's a squirrel and likes to climb trees. Head over to the BBC to see the little terrier in action.

uh oh

Bad news for my guy friends... or laydeez with balls that I may not be aware of. Don't worry, I won't judge. Anyway, the BBC reports that there is new research showing that there may be a link between marijuana use and testicular cancer. Sorry about that, but don't shoot the messenger! If you need a hit to calm yourself down before you read further, though, I can understand.

On the plus side, testicular cancer is easily treatable, so, go ahead if you still really want to, I guess. On the down side, you may develop an aggressive form of the cancer. Yeah.
Anyway, back to the facts:

"They studied 369 men aged 18 to 44, who had been diagnosed with testicular cancer, and quizzed them about marijuana use. Their replies were compared to those from almost 1,000 apparently healthy control subjects.

Just being a marijuana smoker seemed to carry a 70% extra risk, while those who smoked it regularly, or had smoked from an early age, had twice the risk compared to those who had never smoked it. A connection was made to nonseminoma, a fast-growing form of testicular cancer which accounts for approximately 40% of all cases, and tends to strike younger."

Don't worry, my little friends, a little faith in Captain Cannabis will save the day!

ugh hipsters

Lots of hipsters in the news today. Our first story is about the three-second marriage between 19-year-old Peaches Geldorf and her musician husband, Max Drummey, who have called it quits after six months, which is far longer than I expected those two disgusting hipsters to last. Well done! Now Peaches can go back to do whatever it is that she does... which I believe is living off her father's money and doing nothing. This is all sorts of bad for Drummey then because even if he signed a pre-up quicksmart like any self-respecting gold digger, Peaches doesn't actually do anything with her life. What a pity. Anyway, those two fools released a statement to the BBC, in which they said,

"After much soul-searching we have made the mutual decision to end our marriage and have agreed to go our separate ways."

If by soul-searching they meant searching for coke and being dirty American Apparel hipsters, then it was probably relevent for the two seconds they were married.

Anyway, moving on to our sad story of the day. A hipster has died and gone to hipster heaven (where I suspect there are plaid shirts and tight jeans galore) and his family are unsure what to do with all his ironic hipster things. They have contacted an antique dealer to help them sort through the rubbish because they aren't sure which items have any value to them. Apparently the passed-on hipster was an avid collector of eccentric, cheap, and old things, including mismatched sets of cups and plates. His mother told the Onion that in his apartment she found an assortment of useless coffee mugs,

"This one says 'Hands Off Howard's Coffee.' I find it strange that he owned that, considering that he lived alone and never mentioned a friend named Howard."

The Onion knows what's up. Sadly, I think the mug is really funny and I probably would have bought it, too.

god also approves

Okay, this is the best story I have read today. And I just read a story about phishy (sorry, had to be done) Phelps being a pothead.

Anyway, head over to the BBC to see a 62 year old monk called Brother Cesare Bonizzi who is in a heavy metal band.

If all monks were crazyasses who belong in FIVE FINGER DEATH PUNCH, I may consider converting to Catholicism. Sorry, Ganesha. But I can be easily won back if the Hindus start a glam folk rock band.

poseidon approves

This is what I like to hear. Michael Phelps may be the son of Poseidon, but he's also an expert pothead! British tabloid, the News of the World, got a hold of some pictures of him gettin sexay with a bong in November. Said some big-mouth onlookers,

"He grabbed the bong and a lighter and ripped a huge smelly bong rip. He knew exactly what he was doing. He looked just as natural with a bong in his hands as he does swimming the backstroke."

I love these statements that these anonymous bitches make. Reading that made me feel a little sick, but you know that you jizzed your pants just then. Anysexybong, some playa hatas out there are saying that it's no good and it will make him a bad role model for aspiring Poseidons in the world. So our little fishy friend released a statement saying that,

"I engaged in behaviour which was regrettable and demonstrated bad judgment... for this, I am sorry. I promise my fans and the public it will not happen again."

Well I know that Rindge just opened a new pool and this is just proof that the power of weed can make you into a living dolphin god. Be sure to see lots of stoners at the pool soon. (Good thing Felipe's is nearby.)

omg!

If you need a bit of an adorable fix to cure your hangover from last night (I'll be honest though, staring at a computer screen won't help and you'll just get all bug eyed and then your eyeballs may dry up and fall out. Just another danger of drinking that I ought to warn you about) and Cute Overload isn't doing anything for you and you needed a reason to live after the gay penguins went and got married, here's an otter in a mailbag!

The BBC reports that she is called Orla and was found on the side of a road by a postman and was believed to have been abandoned by her mother. What a bitch! Just because she was never loved as an otterchild doesn't mean she can go around leaving little animals on the sides of roads. In fact, if I find out this otter character is also bankrupt and has thirteen other little otter children, I'll know who to call.

Anybadottermother, Orla was given a free tour of Scotland when she was put into the mailbag to keep warm and given some milk. She's eating fish like a fish-eating vacuum now and is safe and sound. But I ask you this: how can anyone abandon that face!!! The piece of coal that is my heart just melted a little and went on to destroy the ozone layer.

hello accents

Last night I headed over to Slink to read my horoscope and take useless quizzes about which Spice Girl I am and if I have commitment issues and so on, when I happened upon BBC2 and Slink's newest program (dare I say programme?) called Proper Messy. I watched the first two episodes and the acting is pretty bad but the accents are great.

The reason I find this interesting, though, is that the show is like the "choose your own adventure" books, in that viewers can influence the plot line with their suggestions. It's pretty obvious they want to direct this to an audience group of ages 13-17 because you can text in responses that may change the story of subsequent episodes or use the social networking site, bebo.

Now in any other circumstance that may seem like a bad idea because you know you'd be the one yelling out shit like "That bitch should be eaten by a dinosaur!" But I think it's an interesting experiment of a show, especially in an age where people are speaking in blurbs anyway. Also, the possibility of your suggestions being used is a good idea to keep viewer interest, I suspect.

god is not amused

I promise I'm not totally obsessed with this story, but... the lady with the bionic vagina who isn't Michelle Duggar already has six kids according to her mother.
But here's where Michelle, Jim Bob, and God get the last laugh: she's single, 33, and living with her parents. And now she's got fourteen kids.
This also pretty blatantly tells us that she had fertility treatments and when she heard there would be eight embryos, the doctors offered to help out a sista and the crazy bitch said no. The BBC tells us that,

Doctors had given her the option of reducing the number of embryos, but she had declined. "What do you suggest she should have done? She refused to have them killed. That is a very painful thing," [Mama Crazy] said.

Okay, if you're pro-life and you keep it out of my face, I don't give a shit. Just take some responsibility if you feel that way. But this bitch ain't got no money (she filed for bankruptcy last year) and she knew she'd have to somehow raise fourteen children.
Let's look at some statistics, I'm pretty sure I read somewhere once that it costs about $200,000 to raise one child to age 18. Well let's multiply this by 14... and we get $2,800,000. Good luck with that.

Anybrokelady, her father is returning to Iraq, where he works as a contractor to put some money in the bank. I don't know what this shawty's been puttin in her drank, but one thing is certain, she's got crazy for brains.

duggar's plot next move

Some lady in California who thought she was having seven kids, ended up with eight! Easy mistake, to make (...if Friends has taught me anything). Although they were born 9 weeks premature by Cesarean section and delivered by a team of 46 doctors (!), they're doing well. They (er... not the babies, you fools, the doctors) also won't comment on the use of fertility drugs, but I'm not sure how else you'd end up with eight fertilized embryos.

It's pretty obvious that I'm not a doctor or anything, but that sounds really premature, just over two months before they're due. And I heard on the news tonight (while actually dreading a snow day) that the widdle chidlens weigh between one and three pounds. That's less than my art history textbook! That's less than a shoe! I'm not sure about the last one, that may only apply if you've got one leg significantly shorter than the other and need specially made heavy platform shoes.

(Also, you know Mary Kate Olsen just got started on trying to bring her weight down to one pound, she won't be out-done by any day-old babies.) Anyway, I'm glad they're doing well, etc. but it makes my head hurt just to think about all the screaming and wailing and dirty diapers they're going to have to deal with soon. Good luck with that.

Meanwhile, that crazy bitch, Michelle Duggar, better watch her back. The only way I can see her poor vagina redeeming itself would be to give birth to 20 babies at once and bring their family of Bob Jones University recruits to 38.

oh, japan

First it was the cat cafes, where you can rent a friend for an hour.
Said one adorable Japanese person:

"When I look into his eyes, I think he's my dog. But when I take him back to the shop, he runs away from me and starts wagging his tail when he sees the next customer. That's when I know he's only a rental dog."

Whaaaat! They're crazy and I love them. Note that it does not stop at renting a cat, but also includes dogs, hamsters, gerbils, beetles, and replacement fathers, grandparents, or guests at a wedding. Being paid to sit around at a wedding and eat cake actually sounds like the best job ever.
Well, Japan never ceases to churn out hilarity because now they've got highly sophisticated toilets! According to the BBC, they have motion sensors, heating, glow-in-the-dark seats, a range of flushing options, and built in loudspeakers and sound systems so that you can listen to classical music when nature calls. Said another adorable person:

"The only warmth in my life is the toilet seat."