yaaaay

The hipster baby is here! M.I.A. and her boyfriend welcomed a boy into this world after the Grammy's and no wonder, homegirl was making us all sick with her dancing about on stage last Sunday night. She talked about it on her Myspace:

HAPPY VALENTINES!

SUNDAY NITE I CA M E HOME FROM THE GRAMMY'S STILL IN THE MOOD TO PARTY , I COUDA EASILY GONE OUT BUT I WENT HOME INSEAD , LUCKY I DID!! COZ MY EARLY STAGE LABOUR KICKED IN AROUND 2 AM .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vfndz8pW9WY

MY BABY WAS BORN WEDNESDAY , HE IS HEALTHY , FINE , BEAUTIFUL AND THE MOST AMZING THING EVER ON THIS PLANET, OF COURSE IM HIS MUM!!!

ME AND BABY ARE PUTTING OUR TOUR DATES FOR 2010 TOGETHER
AND MAKING MIX TAPES
AND FIGURING OUT A WAY TO BREAK OUT OF THE HOSPITAL !

HOPEFULLY THE WORLD IS BEEN TICKING ALONG AND I AINT MISSED MUCH!

C U SOON ,

AND MY BABY BOY SAYZ HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm looking forward to seeing what she names this poor child. You know that it'll be something like Sunshower Jimmy Boyz Bucky Done Gun. I should apologize if her post made your eyes run away. It's possible a twelve year old wrote this but I like M.I.A. all the same.

(Actually, let's not joke about little children and babies because a couple days ago I read a really disturbing story about some 13-year-old who knocked up his 15-year-old girlfriend. WHAT THE FUCK IS RIGHT.)

er, speaking of venice

Carnevale starts in Venice tomorrow, which is exciting. I hope you all recover from the plague and mono (I'm talking to you, slutty sophomores) soon so that you can break out yo masks and elaborate costumes! Ali told me that she's off bread for Lent because she couldn't give up Facebook. Good choice, methinks.

Anyway, my little chumlettes in Rome, however, aren't going because they haven't planned properly, although Venice is a mere 6 hours away by car and 4 days on foot. Ah well, they're going to Poland for spring break, so I suppose I can forgive them. A bit.
Anyway, I've been stalking the webcam and there are lots of lights and people milling around the Piazza San Marco. I will be sure to stalk it again (properly) tomorrow morning.

The lovely image is from [link].

Anyway, here's a guy who can draw a perfect circle.

craaazy

This bitch is crazy and that's exactly why I love her. When the hell is she going to pop? She was due yesterday and all her dancing around during the Grammy's last night made me physically sick. I wanted to have the fucking baby for her just so she'd get off and act like a proper 9-month pregnant lady.

ugh hipsters

Lots of hipsters in the news today. Our first story is about the three-second marriage between 19-year-old Peaches Geldorf and her musician husband, Max Drummey, who have called it quits after six months, which is far longer than I expected those two disgusting hipsters to last. Well done! Now Peaches can go back to do whatever it is that she does... which I believe is living off her father's money and doing nothing. This is all sorts of bad for Drummey then because even if he signed a pre-up quicksmart like any self-respecting gold digger, Peaches doesn't actually do anything with her life. What a pity. Anyway, those two fools released a statement to the BBC, in which they said,

"After much soul-searching we have made the mutual decision to end our marriage and have agreed to go our separate ways."

If by soul-searching they meant searching for coke and being dirty American Apparel hipsters, then it was probably relevent for the two seconds they were married.

Anyway, moving on to our sad story of the day. A hipster has died and gone to hipster heaven (where I suspect there are plaid shirts and tight jeans galore) and his family are unsure what to do with all his ironic hipster things. They have contacted an antique dealer to help them sort through the rubbish because they aren't sure which items have any value to them. Apparently the passed-on hipster was an avid collector of eccentric, cheap, and old things, including mismatched sets of cups and plates. His mother told the Onion that in his apartment she found an assortment of useless coffee mugs,

"This one says 'Hands Off Howard's Coffee.' I find it strange that he owned that, considering that he lived alone and never mentioned a friend named Howard."

The Onion knows what's up. Sadly, I think the mug is really funny and I probably would have bought it, too.

my hero

I was wondering what had happened to M.I.A. (I will try my hardest not to make a M.I.A. was M.I.A. joke) since we haven't really heard much about her in a while... or rather, not since she revealed that she was pregnant. Well, I didn't realize that it's been nine months since and this crazy and heavily-pregnant lady is still performing! In fact, she's due to give birth any day now and she still wants to perform at the Grammy's tomorrow tonight with Kanye (ughh), Lil Wayne (I'll be surprised if he gets through security), Jay-Z, and T.I. She recently said that she's afraid a performance may induce labor.

“When I read these books on childbirth they are like, ‘If you want to induce labor, try having a game of arm wrestle with your friend.’ I am like, ‘Oh my God, my option isn’t an arm wrestle — it’s like being onstage and with Jay-Z and Lil Wayne and Kanye and T.I.'... To me that is really exciting, to be a nine-month pregnant woman.”

Eeps! I'm so exicted for little hipster babies!

sassy

I'm no fashion expert, but then again neither is Clay Aiken, so I don't know why the hell he's going to be on America's Next Top Model. Just because he's gay doesn't mean he knows anything about clothes or modeling or whatever.

I couldn't stand to watch Tyra's giant forehead keep bringing on the crazy the past two seasons. Bitch please! I promise you that never in a million years will I use the words "fierce" or "SMILE WIT YO EYEZ" here. If I do, feel free to murder me. (The previous does not count)

But back to topic. With this news, however, I suspect that Paulina Porizkova won't be coming back. Ah well, I liked Twiggy better anyway. But Mr Coyne likes Paulina because apparently in his youth (I think that means the 80s, not sure) he used to go clubbing a lot and smoke cigarettes and so on. Anyway, this one time when he was going out for a smoke, he bumped into Paulina and her really drunk friend leaving (as he said) "a bachelorette party gone wrong." Anyway he started squealing and being like "OMG! You're Paulina!" (also verbatim) and apparently he helped her out and got the drunk friend into a taxi.

He also told me that he thinks he could go on Oprah and do college counseling shit and meet urban youth and be like "You have no home but we're sending you to college!" He thinks he'd be really good at it.
I half-agree. I think he should go on Oprah and talk about his celebrity encounters and his opinions on Jessica Simpson's weight. He also told me that he's had experience on talk shows too, which is good to know. Apparently also back in the day, he was an audience member on Ricki Lake's talk show and ended up yelling shit at the guest like "YOU GO GIRL!" and "DUMP THAT BITCH!" I love when one sassy audience member (i.e. Mr Coyne) starts yelling out advice and all the homegirls start clapping and shit. Beautiful.

P.S. No matter what the caption says, I'm pretty sure that's a sassy black guy in a wig.

beyootiful

Good news for the lumberjacks amongst us, (you know who you are) beards are back in style. And not the scruffy look that hipsters are rocking all the time, I mean real fucking beards. According to the Guardian, beards are associated with laziness and hippies, but I don't know if I believe that. Then again, what do I know. Personally, I have a problem with facial hair (note: Prince William) because if you resemble a weasel and your name is Dave Seliger, then you're trying too hard.

Beardy folk are okay only if you're Rolf Harris or the weyrd sisters, I suspect. And even then Rolf Harris is not okay. Bearded ladies on the other hand, have an element of class and hilarity... mostly the latter though. I am convinced, however, that Celeste would totally rock the bearded look.

But if you carefully style it to be entered into the World Beard and Mustache Championships, like the seriously elegant man above, I believe it to be a just cause. (Although it is still highly possible that you need some mental help.)

poopy time

So I have an interview tomorrow and I was simply told, "Let's meet at Au Bon Pain." That's no good because I'm pretty sure there are about a hundred of them within the greater Boston area. I can probably see three from my house with my eyes closed. Actually, I tell a lie because hipster haunt aka Inman Square would never allow it. Mr Coyne told me that he thinks the hipsters at the 1369 Coffee House are too dirty. His exact words were "Don't touch my muffin you dirty hipster!" Too many sexual puns to count.

But this post isn't actually about Au Bon Pain. It's about themed toilets in China. Where's the connection, you may ask? I will leave you to determine that for yourself because it's a magical journey to the conclusion. Trust. Anyway, here are some photos of crocodile and Virgin Mary urinals. I'm not sure whether I think these are funny or appalling. There's something wrong with sticking yo' yoo-hoo into the Virgin. It makes me feel bad for Joseph.

Also, some really classy laydeez.

god is not amused

I promise I'm not totally obsessed with this story, but... the lady with the bionic vagina who isn't Michelle Duggar already has six kids according to her mother.
But here's where Michelle, Jim Bob, and God get the last laugh: she's single, 33, and living with her parents. And now she's got fourteen kids.
This also pretty blatantly tells us that she had fertility treatments and when she heard there would be eight embryos, the doctors offered to help out a sista and the crazy bitch said no. The BBC tells us that,

Doctors had given her the option of reducing the number of embryos, but she had declined. "What do you suggest she should have done? She refused to have them killed. That is a very painful thing," [Mama Crazy] said.

Okay, if you're pro-life and you keep it out of my face, I don't give a shit. Just take some responsibility if you feel that way. But this bitch ain't got no money (she filed for bankruptcy last year) and she knew she'd have to somehow raise fourteen children.
Let's look at some statistics, I'm pretty sure I read somewhere once that it costs about $200,000 to raise one child to age 18. Well let's multiply this by 14... and we get $2,800,000. Good luck with that.

Anybrokelady, her father is returning to Iraq, where he works as a contractor to put some money in the bank. I don't know what this shawty's been puttin in her drank, but one thing is certain, she's got crazy for brains.