japan does it again

So far the Japanese have given the world grown men playing children's card games, cafes where you can rent a friend (or parent), and highly sophisticated toilets. Constantly out-doing themselves! Anyway, today I learned that they also have "sleep concerts." This has been going on for a while apparently, but I wasn't aware, so I did a little bit of research on this... that is, I googled it and am now sharing my fascinating findings. You're welcome.
According to the BBC sleep concerts involve "rows and rows of exhausted salary men" who "cheerfully snore while the musicians play." This sounds great already.
The Japan Times adds that "concert venues have 300 'good sleep seats' prepared. Ticket holders are given pillows, blankets and slippers to feel comfortable."

Amazing. Further love for Japan.

it's a dog in a tree

Um, that's pretty much it. Not as great as the foxes on a trampoline or another the leetle polar bear who was abandoned by its bitch mother, but it's a dog called Penny in Wolverhampton who thinks she's a squirrel and likes to climb trees. Head over to the BBC to see the little terrier in action.

omg!

If you need a bit of an adorable fix to cure your hangover from last night (I'll be honest though, staring at a computer screen won't help and you'll just get all bug eyed and then your eyeballs may dry up and fall out. Just another danger of drinking that I ought to warn you about) and Cute Overload isn't doing anything for you and you needed a reason to live after the gay penguins went and got married, here's an otter in a mailbag!

The BBC reports that she is called Orla and was found on the side of a road by a postman and was believed to have been abandoned by her mother. What a bitch! Just because she was never loved as an otterchild doesn't mean she can go around leaving little animals on the sides of roads. In fact, if I find out this otter character is also bankrupt and has thirteen other little otter children, I'll know who to call.

Anybadottermother, Orla was given a free tour of Scotland when she was put into the mailbag to keep warm and given some milk. She's eating fish like a fish-eating vacuum now and is safe and sound. But I ask you this: how can anyone abandon that face!!! The piece of coal that is my heart just melted a little and went on to destroy the ozone layer.

poopy time

So I have an interview tomorrow and I was simply told, "Let's meet at Au Bon Pain." That's no good because I'm pretty sure there are about a hundred of them within the greater Boston area. I can probably see three from my house with my eyes closed. Actually, I tell a lie because hipster haunt aka Inman Square would never allow it. Mr Coyne told me that he thinks the hipsters at the 1369 Coffee House are too dirty. His exact words were "Don't touch my muffin you dirty hipster!" Too many sexual puns to count.

But this post isn't actually about Au Bon Pain. It's about themed toilets in China. Where's the connection, you may ask? I will leave you to determine that for yourself because it's a magical journey to the conclusion. Trust. Anyway, here are some photos of crocodile and Virgin Mary urinals. I'm not sure whether I think these are funny or appalling. There's something wrong with sticking yo' yoo-hoo into the Virgin. It makes me feel bad for Joseph.

Also, some really classy laydeez.

god is not amused

I promise I'm not totally obsessed with this story, but... the lady with the bionic vagina who isn't Michelle Duggar already has six kids according to her mother.
But here's where Michelle, Jim Bob, and God get the last laugh: she's single, 33, and living with her parents. And now she's got fourteen kids.
This also pretty blatantly tells us that she had fertility treatments and when she heard there would be eight embryos, the doctors offered to help out a sista and the crazy bitch said no. The BBC tells us that,

Doctors had given her the option of reducing the number of embryos, but she had declined. "What do you suggest she should have done? She refused to have them killed. That is a very painful thing," [Mama Crazy] said.

Okay, if you're pro-life and you keep it out of my face, I don't give a shit. Just take some responsibility if you feel that way. But this bitch ain't got no money (she filed for bankruptcy last year) and she knew she'd have to somehow raise fourteen children.
Let's look at some statistics, I'm pretty sure I read somewhere once that it costs about $200,000 to raise one child to age 18. Well let's multiply this by 14... and we get $2,800,000. Good luck with that.

Anybrokelady, her father is returning to Iraq, where he works as a contractor to put some money in the bank. I don't know what this shawty's been puttin in her drank, but one thing is certain, she's got crazy for brains.

wtf

Okay, when I started up this thing (er, about four days ago) I said to myself that I will try to keep politics out of it, but it's really difficult not to when there are so many good and bad things happening.

In fact, I'm going to take a little tangent even before I begin. It was actually ridiculous how much the rest of the world cared about our last election and how excited they all seem to be by this. (Germany, I'm talking to you.) The days leading up to election day, my cousins who live in the beautiful and muddy country of Chaucer's Englonde pretty blatantly told me that it was my duty as a citizen of the world to vote. Blimey O'Reilly, keep your knickers on.

Anycrazybritishpeople, I know I just poked fun at the Duggars, but at least they keep their crazy in the family. Today, I have taken issue against the Westboro Baptist Church who are planning a protest at Rindge in March. As far as I can tell, they are the biggest group of playa hatas I've ever come across (congratulations, Lyndon LaDouche, you've been usurped). They are, in all seriousness, a hate group, and they appear to hate Jews, Catholics, gays, Americans in general... and um, everyone ever.
The horrible thing about these people is that they hate and seem to thrive on the hate they generate against them from other people. I don't know if they're trying to pull some martyr shit doing this, but they certainly aren't any crown saints.

On the bright side, gay penguins get married!

supa dork

Maybe it's because I've got bio on the brain, but I suspect that it's mainly because I'm a HUGE DORK. This may also be proof of being a true lab tech, but I doubt it. Whateva, though, any hatas out there can bounce off cuz I ain't dealin wit yo shit.

Anyway, now that I've proved my gangsta capabilities (debatable) I will tell you the findings of a Chi Square probability test I ran during breakfast. (Because, remember, I'm cool.)
Basically and as is in the name, the Chi Square test tells us the probability of something happening purely by chance.
Now, out of the eight babies I wrote about last night, I learned that 6 were boys and only 2 were girls. I guess one would expect them to be 4 and 4.

x^2 = (2-4)^2 / 4 and x^2 = (6-4)^2 / 4

Which gives us x values of 1.00 and 1.00. If we plug it into our Chi Square table of critical values, however, we learn that our results are between 20 and 50%, which is awful (good results would be 5% or less. These results mean that there is some experimental error and it's not possible to get 6 and 2 purely by chance. Also, to run a good test, I should have 10 or more data points, so that may also be it), so I can only say that I fail to reject my null hypothesis. What does that mean? No idea, but I come to you with facts, that is all.
Happy studying!

duggar's plot next move

Some lady in California who thought she was having seven kids, ended up with eight! Easy mistake, to make (...if Friends has taught me anything). Although they were born 9 weeks premature by Cesarean section and delivered by a team of 46 doctors (!), they're doing well. They (er... not the babies, you fools, the doctors) also won't comment on the use of fertility drugs, but I'm not sure how else you'd end up with eight fertilized embryos.

It's pretty obvious that I'm not a doctor or anything, but that sounds really premature, just over two months before they're due. And I heard on the news tonight (while actually dreading a snow day) that the widdle chidlens weigh between one and three pounds. That's less than my art history textbook! That's less than a shoe! I'm not sure about the last one, that may only apply if you've got one leg significantly shorter than the other and need specially made heavy platform shoes.

(Also, you know Mary Kate Olsen just got started on trying to bring her weight down to one pound, she won't be out-done by any day-old babies.) Anyway, I'm glad they're doing well, etc. but it makes my head hurt just to think about all the screaming and wailing and dirty diapers they're going to have to deal with soon. Good luck with that.

Meanwhile, that crazy bitch, Michelle Duggar, better watch her back. The only way I can see her poor vagina redeeming itself would be to give birth to 20 babies at once and bring their family of Bob Jones University recruits to 38.

oh, japan

First it was the cat cafes, where you can rent a friend for an hour.
Said one adorable Japanese person:

"When I look into his eyes, I think he's my dog. But when I take him back to the shop, he runs away from me and starts wagging his tail when he sees the next customer. That's when I know he's only a rental dog."

Whaaaat! They're crazy and I love them. Note that it does not stop at renting a cat, but also includes dogs, hamsters, gerbils, beetles, and replacement fathers, grandparents, or guests at a wedding. Being paid to sit around at a wedding and eat cake actually sounds like the best job ever.
Well, Japan never ceases to churn out hilarity because now they've got highly sophisticated toilets! According to the BBC, they have motion sensors, heating, glow-in-the-dark seats, a range of flushing options, and built in loudspeakers and sound systems so that you can listen to classical music when nature calls. Said another adorable person:

"The only warmth in my life is the toilet seat."